Finish The Tug Of War – Part 1
When attempting to stop struggles in our relationships, envision it as a “tug of war.” Occasionally we brawl so troublesome to keep our side of the rope from crossing over the line that we overlook we can both just let go at the same time and be in agreement on the best place to let it lie.
In the instance of divorcing parents, there should be one main aim or line drawn in the sand and that is to continue to raise the children in the most constructive way achievable. When that line is about to be crossed, both parties need to just cut out everything, meaning resentments, hurts, pains, and turmoil so the family can stay together.
Unfortunately when couples divorce their affiliation in life, they don’t realize they can keep their in child custody and parenting. After all, if they had stayed married, it wouldn’t even be an concern to make sure the kids were always taken custody of. One way or another when the dissolution of the marriage takes place, the guardianship of the children gets lost in the shuffle. All bets are off when pain and hurt and anger between parties ensue and often times the tug of war between couples leave children in the mud to fend for themselves.
numerous people come to me and verbalize, “I am attempting to be a good parent but my ex is making it impossible!” Of course I have to agree that there are several divorcing couples that have a lopsided companionship where one party is emotionally unstable and it makes it very tough to have an amicable partnership. But that doesn’t relieve the healthier partner from their responsibility to keep things . After all, that is the only the kids have of coming out reasonably sane. Instead of laying blame on the more difficult parent, it is more important for the willing parent to lead by example and keep their behavior as pristine as feasible, never fighting fire with fire or feeling justified by acting out.
There are a lot of things you can do or articulate to make things worse in a circumstances, but there is usually only one way to make things better and that is to just stop the pulling, the resisting and the tension and just let go. Believe it or not, there is a higher part of yourself that will always know the right thing to do or say in any if you get out of your own way long sufficient to hear what “it” has to speak. When we struggle, pull, or push, we only get more resistance, but when we just release and empty ourselves of the struggle, we actually allow for new ideas, affirmative energy, and new direction to come in. That is the way the Universe and energy works.
Read Part 2 of Tug of War for more divorce advice on how to cope when the other parent doesn’t want to stop the game.
Divorce Cures is the best online divorce support site available for child custody issues.
